It’s not the cops that can make remarkable deductive leaps that make bugger all sense but end up to be correct. It’s not the perfect timing of the guy who realises what is happening at precisely the right moment so that he can break down the door of the right building mere seconds before the hostages die. It’s not even the incredible amount of patronising snark that every single pathologist seems able to smear onto thei sentences when talking to a detective. In fact, it’s not even the police themselves.

Its the victims who get asked to describe the face of the person they saw committing the crime, and then are actually able to do so in enough detail that the artist’s impression looks exactly like the person it is meant to be. Seriously, how can people do that? How can they just reel off every characteristic of a person’s face? I’d be a total mess!

“What was their hair like?” Erm, long-ish and brown. I think. Could have been a dark blonde? “What colour were their eyes?” Dunno mate, wasn’t paying attention. “What about the shape of their face?” Yeah, it was pretty face-shaped, you know? Like, a pretty average face? “Well, were there any defining features?” His nose was massive and he had a spot on his chin, but he’s probably popped it by now, it was pretty ugly.

As you can see, my descriptive skills are pretty limited. However, in Chew you meet someone who can descibe stuff so well that, well,  you’ll see. But some background on the book first. Chew  is an Image title about a detective for the Food and Drug Administration called Tony Chu, who is a Cibopath. Basically, he gets a psychic imprint from anything he eats. The book gets a little weird, as solving murders related to food and drugs can get a little bitey, but issue #3 introduces a character with the best power in the world. I’ll let the page describe it.

Don’t lie, you would absolutely love to be able to do that. It’s the power to describe things like a TV witness, but about food. It’s the coolest superpower! And you can also have some fun with it, as Amelia found when the first wave of complaints came in from people who had thrown up at her descriptions of disgusting food.

Chew #3, by John Layman and Rob Guillory, Image


James, The Wonder Witch


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